ego says 'what the heck?'

Last night i sat in front of my computer and, on a whim decided to register for a 10-day meditation retreat at the Illinois center. It's been almost four years since I sat my last retreat and quite frankly, my ego's not very happy with this sudden decision. It's whining, scared and making up all sort of excuses why this event shouldn't happen. At least i know that this drama happens everytime i plan a course. I also usually become physically ill the week before i leave. It's amazing, this fight of maintaining the illusion of permanence. Or perhaps i'm just tricking my-Self rather than self tricking me.